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Why Do We Lose Friends?

So, you have made a few friends. Good! But the work is not over. Keeping your friends takes effort. Friendships do not just stay the same forever. They either grow stronger or get weaker. There are some things to know that can help you keep your friends.

Some friendships do not last very long because friends change or move away and they don’t want to stay in touch. That’s okay. But it is sad when we lose a friend because of something we did or did not do.

Some reasons why friendships do not last:

  • One friend feels that they are putting a lot more into the friendship than the other friend. They feel taken advantage of.

  • One friend always wants to choose what they do together.

  • The friends are not honest about how they feel about something.

  • The friends have a fight and they do not make up.

  • The friends get bored with each other.

  • The friendship is built around only one activity, such as a class.

  • The friends need more help with planning or transportation.

  • One of the friends is jealous.


Jealousy can be very bad for friendships. Have you been jealous? Do you get mad when your friend spends time with other people? Or when your friend gets to do something you want to do?

Your friend does not belong only to you! People do not like to feel they cannot talk to other people without upsetting you. Your friend can care about you AND about others at the same time.

If you are out in a group, let your friend spend time with others. You can do this too. You may make new friends this way.

Remember—Friendships make your life interesting and happy, but they do take effort and time. What you put into friendship, you will get back. Not everyone you meet will become a friend. But don’t let that stop you.

A Friend Who Moves Away Can Still be Your Friend

Sometimes friends move away. This does not mean your friendship has to end. You can find a way to make things work. You just have to try. Jonathan tells us about a friend he made in high school. “She is a friend my own age. She lived close and came often to see me—but now has moved to a new town. We don’t see each other as often. But we make sure to spend time together when we can, like on holiday weekends.”

Money Issues Can End a Friendship

Marie asked Regine to go out for dinner with her. They went out a few times. Marie liked to order expensive items. Then she asked Regine to help her pay her bill. She did not bring enough money. After a while, Regine started to say she was busy when Marie called her. Someone else in their workplace told Marie that Regine was unhappy. This was because Marie often asked to borrow money from her. The friendship was lost because Marie took advantage of Regine.

Treat Your Friends with Respect

George was one of Jim’s friends. George had a car and he often would pick Jim up so go for a drive or to their youth group meeting. George would tell Jim when he was coming, Jim likes these times with George and at the youth group, but Jim was almost never ready when George came. Jim was still playing his computer game. George would have to wait. This happened a lot. George felt frustrated. He did not feel respected. He asked Jim to please be on time. But Jim continued to be late. Finally George got tired of waiting for Jim. He stopped coming to pick Jim up. Jim couild no longer get to the youth group. Also, Jim lost his friendship with George.


Activity/Information Sheets

If You Are Losing a Friend
If You Are Losing a Friend (255.74KB, PDF)

This is a list of questions to ask yourself. It will help you understand why you are losing a friend.

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