Know Yourself

It is ok to have sexual desires. They are natural. Most people have them sometimes. What is important is what you do with the desires. Talk to someone you trust to help you understand your desires. Decide how you want to handle them. You will need to decide what your standards are. You will need to decide what you are comfortable with. Give yourself time. It is important to know yourself and respect yourself and respect the other person.

You can have different kinds of sexual desires.

You might want to hold hands. Maybe you would like to kiss someone. Maybe you would like to hug someone. Maybe you would like to hold them close when you dance. Maybe you would like to have sex with that person. Or touch yourself in sexual parts of your body. It IS ok and natural to have physical desires. BUT anything you do with another person should only be done when you BOTH agree to it.

Dating or being girlfriend and boyfriend does not mean you have to have sex.

Do not be afraid to tell your boyfriend or girlfriend if you do not want to do something they want to do. If they do not pay attention to you, they are not respecting you. This means you should end the relationship. At the same time, be respectful of the other person. Remember to listen to what they like too. Listen if they tell you that they do not like something. Stop doing it. This is the only way to respect them. Do not try to get the person to change their mind.

Should we have sex?

This is a serious decision. You need to have a very strong relationship first and you need to think carefully about certain things. It is good to talk this decision over with someone you trust. You can get hurt easily and so can your boyfriend or girlfriend if you move too fast. Each of you needs to consider:

  • Your own standards—what have you already decided about these?

  • Your Health: You can get sexual diseases through sexual contact. Find out how to protect yourself from sexual diseases. Also find out if you and your partner are healthy. See a doctor about this.

  • Your Responsibility: If you have sexual intercourse with a person of the opposite sex without taking precautions, you could get pregnant. Or get your partner pregnant. Ask your doctor to help you with precautions you can take. Having a child is a very serious decision and a VERY big responsibility. It is unfair to the child if you cannot look after it.

  • Before you have sex you should have worked through these things together. You should both agree on what precautions you will take. You will be doing this for yourself and also for the other person.

A Course on Sexuality Can Be Helpful

Patrick suggests taking a course on sexuality. He tells how it helped him. He learned a lot about sexuality and relationships. He learned about avoiding diseases that can be passed on by sexual contact. He learned that it is important to take time to get to know the other person. Éric and Patrick agree that the most important thing in relationships is the pleasure you get from being together.

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Activity/Information Sheets

Saying “No!”
Saying “No!” (254.89KB, PDF)

This is a role-playing activity. It will help you practice saying “No!”

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