Common Obstacles

Fear of Asking People

Often families find the prospect of inviting others intimidating. They say they can’t even think of people to ask. They say they can’t imagine anyone agreeing to join such a group. They don’t want to impose.

In the research for this project we came across story after story of people who had felt this way and yet been amazed that almost every person they asked said “Yes!” People felt honoured to be asked. Knowing that someone thinks you have something to offer in this kind of relationship is affirming, and knowing you will be part of a group is reassuring.

Know that not every person asked will turn out to be a faithful circle member. You often will not know ahead of time who will work out. Of course it is disappointing when some people fall away. Try to be prepared for this. Create a back-up list of people to consider asking.

Choosing people to ask:

1) Ask anyone who has been a fairly consistent presence in your family member’s life, but are not yet particularly close.

2) Consider past relationships. It does not matter if these people are not close to your family member now. This is an opportunity for your family member to renew and deepen relationships. Some people will be glad of the opportunity to get back into your family member’s life.

3) Don’t restrict yourself to a single age group. Inter-generational friendships can be wonderful. Ask those who are already a steady presence for ideas if you are stumped. They might know someone who would get along well with your family member.

4) Don’t rule out the possibility of paid companions becoming friends. Paid companions may develop into true friends who stay around even if their job changes.